Genius Pop Essay

Revise this lousy essay

1) get rid of “I think”, don’t start off a sentence with a personal pronoun {try: adverb, It, conjunction]

2) no periods in the second paragraph

3) use fewer ‘and’ (replace and with other conjunction)

4) singular and plural nouns (e.g. mouses/mice)

5) ant’s, spider’s [incorrect]

6) add adverbs and adjectives in essay

Should pop be sold at schools

I think pop should not be sold at schools because it is unhealthy and can cause diseases.

I think pop is very bad it cost too much and makes students very hyper in class that make teaching difficult and pop can cause diabetes and cavities and there will be mouses ants’ spider's and other insect's in the school because it is sweet it is very sticky and very hard to clean up and students can cut themselves with the container and the container is harmful to the environment and the mouses and the insect's attracted to this pop can carry harmful disease's into the school and students and teachers may get this harmful disease and they can give that disease to their family’s.

I think you're least concern should be the cavities that the pop will give you.

I think the biggest concern should be the mouses the diseases and the insects.

So I think we should not be selling pop in schools .