Kwok Homework, CVMS

G8 Angle solutions

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qNrDC7I-NZYpnWZv0la2Vraw6qB6LQ1f/view?usp=sharing

8C Angle document

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1k7Ozt9_lH3cBcYTo7903YFKukqX42dC_BkMptbl6W5E/edit?usp=sharing

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pMMi1XNJS3Ip42i3aK5ORcYTNnEUajRAuO5IenIlW28/edit?usp=sharing

Living in a warm climate is way better than living in another climate where it is cold, freezing, and devoid of cheerfulness whatsoever. [very odd first sentence]

Rephrase: It is far better living in a warmer environment than a cold one since most tend to be more

joyful and optimistic when the weather is pleasant.

There are just so many more advantages to living in a warm climate than a cold climate. For example, it’s less expensive, more free, and even more healthy. How is it less expensive? Well in colder climates, people need to buy winter related products

including winter tires, winter jackets, gloves, snowpants, hats, etc. It is also more expensive to maintain

comfort at home due to the monthly bill for heaters. [shopping list] Instead of paying monthly for heating at home or air conditioning, why not just open the window for a

cool breeze or some warm, fresh air?

Rephrase: With the price of fuel skyrocketing in the past few months, it is very possible that heating

a home or buying winter-related products such as jackets, snow tires and boots will be costly.

As most families struggle financially, this is another reason why it is better to stay in warmer regions.

Spring clothing is also easier and less expensive to buy and make, which helps the economy so nothing is too expensive to afford. Aside from costs, it is also way healthier to live in a warmer climate rather than a colder one.

First of all, it is statistically proven from a study conducted by Sigmund Freud [bad idea, he died in 1939.

That was not his researchthat people who live in sunnier regions tend to have higher levels of optimism and better mental health

than those who live in colder, darker climates. Also it is scientifically proven by Albert Einstein himself

[bad idea, he died in 1955. That was not his research] that increased sunlight exposure makes the brain

release a neurotransmitter called serotonin, which improves overall mood and mental health.

As a matter of fact, the increased sunlight exposure gives more vitamin D, which reduces links to seasonal

depression.

If you want to make up data, use a general publication instead of a famous person

E.g. According to research conducted by the University of Toronto,

In addition, because the climate is warmer, there are more opportunities for recreation and outdoor activities.

[more recreation opportunities are available to the general public so they can exercise, spend valuable family

time together instead of staying inside all day during the bitter cold winter] Outdoor recreational activities increase movement and exercise which in turn boosts the immune system and

gets the blood pumping, leading to a healthier body. Not only physically, but also mentally. [truncated short phrase] Because of the warm climate, more time is spent in nature. Taking walks, doing cardio,

and participating in activities outside stimulates endorphins and serotonin, improving long and short term mood

as well as improving sleep quality, [a list] which reduces anxiety and stress. [need to elaborate and explain better]

Elaborate with examples and justification: Imagine seeing the colourful flowers and hearing the chirping of the

robins in the garden or simply enjoying the breathtaking views from the downtown skyscrapers or the lush green

mountain in the Bruce Peninsula? These outdoor activities can only be appreciated fully when the weather is

warm and sunny.

Daily, people use cars even for the shortest routes mostly due to the cold temperature. Because of this, massive

amounts of pollution is released into the environment every day.

Destruction of ecosystems, poisoning of healthy bodies, and releasing greenhouse gases occurs every time people

start their car, where the chemicals linger in the air without any escape. [a list] This is a huge problem which can be fixed by doing something very simple: walking. In a warmer climate,

the weather is desirable enough that residents can walk comfortably to a variety of places including the

department store, restaurants, their friends’ houses, and schools. On that note, walking to places does not only

mean less pollution, but also more exercise and recreation; great for both mental and physical health. [this idea was stated before. Repetitive] Living in warmer climates boosts mental health and decreases pollution, but there are also more practical reasons. In colder climates, snow is likely, if not

certain to form. This creates a problem for all drivers because of the decreased visibility of the road, which in

turn, creates loads of accidents that result in serious injuries and even deaths. On the other hand, warmer

climates tend to have sunnier and clearer skies and atmosphere. Drivers are able to see the roads and other cars

clearly without second guessing themselves, and therefore leads to less accidents where no one dies.

In conclusion, living in a warmer climate is superior to living in a colder climate. Less accidents, less suicides,

and more importantly, less expensive.

This is an essay full of lists, going around circle
Explanation and reasons are vague and unclear. Must learn to elaborate
Look at my examples in blue
When making up research data, avoid using famous people. Instead, use an institution or publication (e.g. Times magazine, BBC document)
You are using the same words over and over again (red text)
Content 30/60, Grammar 30/40 (60%, C)
I need you to rewrite the following paragraph, and try to elaborate on your views

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